What does it really mean? Part 1

In order to educate others about Asperger's and other Autism Spectrum Disorders I've decided to take the old DSM-IV definitions (DSM-5 ones are online yet) and tell you what it's like from my end. As a reminder, each person with an ASD is different. We all have different levels of abilities and different strengths and weaknesses. Some people have many difficulties in lots of areas of their life and others have just a few...people like me who may surprise you when you find out we have been diagnosed. Just because you've met one Autistic person doesn't mean you've met us all!! So please keep that in mind...what I write here is just from my experiences personally with myself and my son.

Diagnostic Criteria for 299.80 Asperger's Disorder

1. Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

1. 1. marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction

1. 2. failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level

1. 3. a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)

4. lack of social or emotional reciprocity

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Many of you who know me probably think I'm pretty outgoing, sociable, and that this really isn't an issue for me. Surprise!! It is a huge issue! My biggest triggers are new/unfamiliar situations, changes, and large crowds. When I first meet you, I might not talk a whole lot, or look at you when you talk to me much. I was taught to be polite always so I generally will smile, return a greeting, return a handshake, and I can even make small talk. However, when you get to know me and I"m comfortable with you...then you get to see the fun...the outgoing, "driven by a motor" me that comes up with the most random stuff at probably the most inappropriate times. In social situations, I always feel like everyone (even strangers) are either looking at me or talking about me. I try very hard in crowded places to not make eye contact with people and aside from the occasional mosh pit, I really don't like being mushed up to people I don't know. I've found that social situations really do leave me with a great deal of anxiety and I've just learned that if I know one's coming, I take a Xanax and keep on moving. I do have some impairments in using body-language, telling when someone's joking with me, and not interrupting others who are already talking. My biggest issue is tone of voice. I guess I'm like a dog, or so my therapist says. You can say whatever you want to me and I'm probably ok with it, as long as it's said in a calm and gentle manner. If you raise your voice, or it gets an edge of anger to it, I will shut down and general either meltdown crying or have a huge outburst of anger back. I also take everything personally. So if someone (ex: a boss or teacher) tells me I'm not doing something right or I need to change something, I feel like a total failure and that they just hate me as a person. It can be the farthest thing from the truth, but once my brain believes it, then it takes a long time to get rid of it if I ever can. I have over 300 friends on FB and if I look through I can tell you where I know each one from. However, when the crap hits the fan, there's only about 5 or 6 that I would call close friends. I've always been that way...I knew everyone, but only had one or two really good or best friends.  Now I just call them my Partners in Crime! I had a hard time socially in middle/high school. I just didn't fit in. I was different, odd and I knew it. I endured teasing just like many other kids, but a lot of what was said back then still sticks with me and colors my self-esteem to this day. As far as the DSM definition goes, I don't have as much of a problem with the lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment. If it's something I'm interested in then you better believe I'm going to talk about it and go on and on and my Partners in Crime will attest to that. I also don't have much issues with social/emotional reciprocity. I will return a smile, handshake, or respond to a comment made to me or a greeting. I can feel empathy for anyone and I can respond generally appropriately to emotions as long as I'm not in the middle of meltdown. Now this doesn't mean I'm throwing a huge party or going to call and ask you to lunch. I don't do stuff like that. I will generally ask my Partners in Crime first if I'm doing something and I want someone to go...and if they can't I may or may not ask someone else, but more than likely I'm either not going or I'll just go alone (which is an issue in and of itself). I think I've come a long way in this area since I was a child, content to play alone (or with my 2 cousins and 1 or 2 neighborhood kids), preferring the company of adults to other kids my age, and very rigid in the activities I did. I bowled, I played piano...that was it. I know I still have work in this area, but it is by far one of my stronger areas.