One of those days....

Most days go by with just a few bumps in my day that cause a little anxiety or I just don't like something or I feel kind of upset by something...and then there's days like today where I should have just refused to get out of bed! Today was the first day back for teachers in my county. I was very happy to go and see my friends and get back to work in my room. However, I forgot how much changed over the summer. I rushed out of the house this morning without much assistance (although I had asked for a little help carrying a few boxes out) to realize as I got off on the exit to go to work that I'd left my work bag at home (::: Slaps Forehead :::). Minor inconvenience, just means some stuff will have to wait until tomorrow. Traffic was a nightmare in some spots and my road rage got the best of me until I was finally listening to System of a Down by the time I got to work (never a good sign). Then, my usual routine took over. However, I had to park in a different spot than normal (grumble, grumble) and then when I walked in and looked to the right, it hit me. My assistant principal is at new schools now, she's not there with us anymore. Then I go to the lounge to put my Cokes away...the whole thing has been rearranged and redecorated. It's very nice compared to what we had...but it's a huge change and I had no idea it had happened. Then, my school is looping this year so lots of teachers moving rooms/grades and even some new faces on board. In short, change, change, and more change. Made it through the day, got some stuff done, had a nice lunch. Then I had to go register my youngest for 6th grade. Had a total Mom moment and wanted to just cry as I signed her up, but I held it together. Then they told me there isn't a bus for her so we've got to find an alternate plan to get her to her school and her brother to his. He's in 7th grade, but he loves his school and refuses to change and they've pretty much got his IEP handled so moving him would be very traumatic for him. So I asked her if she wanted to go the school she's registered at (b/c she was accepted into the International Baccalaureate program) or did she want me to try and see if I could get her moved to her brother's school (where some of her friends from last year will go). She wants to stay, so now logistically we have to figure out a way to make it work with all the schedules we have to juggle. Just too much in one day for me. Many people are resistant to change, but for someone with an ASD, change can be very scary. We come to rely on certain things to happen in a certain way or order, certain people to be there where we expect them to be, and certain things to just always be the way they are. While logically my brain tells me that this is a very unrealistic expectation to have of life, the ASD part of me can't stand it and I go all crazy. It throws my big picture of how life is out of whack which almost puts me into fight/flight mode. I like to be warned of changes with enough time to adjust my brain to accommodate them. I like to know how everything will happen down to the smallest detail. I need to know exactly how it will effect me. So today...I walked in knowing only that we were looping so people would be shuffling and that my assistant principal would be different. I just wasn't prepared for how my brain was going to handle that and I always try my best, but sometimes you just don't know how a situation will affect you until you get there. Some things that I think should bother me won't and other things I that I think I can handle, I get there and find that I just can't. This is my 12th start of a school year and by know you'd think I know that nothing stays the same and that by the 3rd week or so I should feel a little more comfortable at work and after I see my babies get started in 6th and 7th and see that they're just fine, then I'll be ok too. It's just going to be rough for a bit until I get it all figured out in my head.