One of those days....

Most days go by with just a few bumps in my day that cause a little anxiety or I just don't like something or I feel kind of upset by something...and then there's days like today where I should have just refused to get out of bed! Today was the first day back for teachers in my county. I was very happy to go and see my friends and get back to work in my room. However, I forgot how much changed over the summer. I rushed out of the house this morning without much assistance (although I had asked for a little help carrying a few boxes out) to realize as I got off on the exit to go to work that I'd left my work bag at home (::: Slaps Forehead :::). Minor inconvenience, just means some stuff will have to wait until tomorrow. Traffic was a nightmare in some spots and my road rage got the best of me until I was finally listening to System of a Down by the time I got to work (never a good sign). Then, my usual routine took over. However, I had to park in a different spot than normal (grumble, grumble) and then when I walked in and looked to the right, it hit me. My assistant principal is at new schools now, she's not there with us anymore. Then I go to the lounge to put my Cokes away...the whole thing has been rearranged and redecorated. It's very nice compared to what we had...but it's a huge change and I had no idea it had happened. Then, my school is looping this year so lots of teachers moving rooms/grades and even some new faces on board. In short, change, change, and more change. Made it through the day, got some stuff done, had a nice lunch. Then I had to go register my youngest for 6th grade. Had a total Mom moment and wanted to just cry as I signed her up, but I held it together. Then they told me there isn't a bus for her so we've got to find an alternate plan to get her to her school and her brother to his. He's in 7th grade, but he loves his school and refuses to change and they've pretty much got his IEP handled so moving him would be very traumatic for him. So I asked her if she wanted to go the school she's registered at (b/c she was accepted into the International Baccalaureate program) or did she want me to try and see if I could get her moved to her brother's school (where some of her friends from last year will go). She wants to stay, so now logistically we have to figure out a way to make it work with all the schedules we have to juggle. Just too much in one day for me. Many people are resistant to change, but for someone with an ASD, change can be very scary. We come to rely on certain things to happen in a certain way or order, certain people to be there where we expect them to be, and certain things to just always be the way they are. While logically my brain tells me that this is a very unrealistic expectation to have of life, the ASD part of me can't stand it and I go all crazy. It throws my big picture of how life is out of whack which almost puts me into fight/flight mode. I like to be warned of changes with enough time to adjust my brain to accommodate them. I like to know how everything will happen down to the smallest detail. I need to know exactly how it will effect me. So today...I walked in knowing only that we were looping so people would be shuffling and that my assistant principal would be different. I just wasn't prepared for how my brain was going to handle that and I always try my best, but sometimes you just don't know how a situation will affect you until you get there. Some things that I think should bother me won't and other things I that I think I can handle, I get there and find that I just can't. This is my 12th start of a school year and by know you'd think I know that nothing stays the same and that by the 3rd week or so I should feel a little more comfortable at work and after I see my babies get started in 6th and 7th and see that they're just fine, then I'll be ok too. It's just going to be rough for a bit until I get it all figured out in my head.

Awesome Moment ~ Had to Share

I had to share what was a great moment for me this morning....for everyone else they'll be like really? I have always had a gag reflex and been totally unable to swallow pills. We used to think it was because I accidentally swallowed a whole Luden's cherry cough drop in 1st grade and it scared the crap out of me....nope it's just part of being an Aspie! So over the years I've been given liquid meds...chewable meds...meltaways...shots...or I have to crush the pill and eat it in pudding (I hate applesauce!) which has resulted in some of the nastiest tastes ever to be experienced. My Adderall...I chew them! I know you're technically not supposed to chew the tablets but I chew it and it makes my tongue turn blue so it's kind of cool! My Xanax, yes I know they're tiny, I break them in half and I swallow each half alone...why? Because they're oblong shape and therefore will turn and get stuck, yes that's what my brain has made me believe. So today...I have a new antibiotic for a week....never taken this one before. Thursday night I crushed the first one and ate it in pudding...wasn't bad at all. This morning I got all brave and decided to swallow the sucker! So I turn the iPod on shuffle...and I get Psy's new song Gentlemen. Those who know me know that when I take even my little half a Xanax I have to dance a bit and flap my hands a bit...and we call it the Pill Dance. So today I was doing the dance to Gentlemen...and you know it went down in less than 45 seconds (which is really fast for me, usually stuff starts melting before I get it down). I was sooooo excited I posted on FB...I called my Mom...I texted a few people...most of whom were like um...really? seriously? And then tonight...time for dose two....in true Aspie fashion, since it worked well this morning...same song tonight...same dance...got it down in 20 seconds! I'm proud of me!! Now if I can just avoid the nausea/stomach upset it caused this morning I'll be all set! But I'm proud of me...I can now take something about the size of a regular aspirin. I might get adventurous and take my Adderall without chewing...it's not round...but it's smaller...but that's going to take a little more courage cause it's not round and....I like the way it tastes when I chew it lmaoo!!

Psy - Gentlemen - My Pill Taking Song

What Does It Really Mean? Part 3

Diagnostic Criteria for 299.80 Asperger's Disorder

3. The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
4. There is no clinically significant general delay in language (e.g., single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years).
5. There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction), and curiosity about the environment in childhood.
6. Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia.

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Well...I think we can finish this up today. The rest of the DSM-IV criteria are a bit more vague and open to interpretation than the other two. Area C is a given...I hide it well, and to the outside world it might be hard to imagine there's anything wrong with me, but spend enough time with me and you'll see it. Socially...well I do prefer to stay home most times and interact online or play games. I will go out and hang out with specific people and generally in the same places or to do the same things. I hate going to Wal-Mart or the grocery store, just too many people and too much input. I don't mind Target for some odd reason and I love little stores. Otherwise, I much prefer to shop online. A lot of it has to do with the driving/parking, but it's about the crowds and the input too. Occupational....well, work has it's moments of just being too much, but I just keep swimming because I know my students need me to. Most of my issues come with my perceptions of what other people think/feel about me or my work and in how they interact with me, back to the whole tone of voice thing usually. I'm much happier working with small groups and much, much happier working with Special Needs children, thus, my push to get certified so I can one day do just that. Other Important Areas of Functioning...I can't organize, hands down that's the biggest problem in my life. I can't clean well because I can't figure out what to do or how to get it done. Organizing takes major work for my brain b/c my brain can't even organize it's own thoughts. Budgeting is a nightmare...I can't even balance the checkbook and I'm sure I must have an award at the bank for the most times overdrawn in one year! I just can't make the numbers add up right. I've tried computer programs, tracking it by hand, etc...nothing works! It's a constant struggle. Driving is fun...I'm ok usually in the day if I'm going somewhere familiar. If I'm out of town I must have my GPS. I hate driving in the rain and at night b/c I just can't see the lines on the road and I still think everyone's getting into my lane, even when they're not! And parking, well that's just not fun. I can only turn one way to get into a park...I prefer one I can drive out of b/c I hate backing up more than anything...and under no circumstances can I parallel park! And I will having a "flappy moment" right there behind the wheel and just stop and panic if I can't figure out where to go and what to do. Generally, my friends realize this and they drive lol!

Area D - Nope...I was advanced. And I find most Aspies are. I read a newspaper to my astonished Grandfather at 2...I ate words like a sponge and always used them in the correct context. I had a college reading level in 5th grade. I loved to write poems/stories. So yeah, all good there! And now I know I am hyperlexic so that explains the crazy abilities as such a young age. However, after I read a book...if I don't talk about it, think about it, reread it...within a few months, I'll forget parts, and after a year or so it's like I never read it. So there's always something good to read on my Kindle lol!

Area E - Same here...I did everything ontime if not early and at an advanced level. Curious doesn't begin to describe me as a child...I'd have driven Curious George nuts! My Daddy used to say that I could "piss off the Pope"....yeah...I was that curious and had to know about everything...and not later, but right then!

Area F - No...I'm not crazy and I don't fully meet the other criteria...being an Aspie is the best fit for me after having read all the other possible ASD criteria with my doctor. We decided this one was the most perfect fit for me.

Well...there you have it. That's Asperger's Syndrome in a nutshell. But please remember, we're like snowflakes...all very different, yet made of the same stuff. What tweaks one of us out won't even bother the next Aspie and what one does really well another may really struggle with. But then again...I think that's just being human. I just remind myself that we were programmed with a different operating system so it's like being a Mac in a PC world! Or probably more like being a Unix system in a Windows world!! LOL!

Made a Facebook Page

Made a FB page for my blog so I can share other cool stuff about Autism.

https://www.facebook.com/DelighfulPuzzleAspieMom

What does it really mean? Part 2

Diagnostic Criteria for 299.80 Asperger's Disorder

2. Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:

1. 1. encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity of focus
   2. apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals

1. 3. stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)

4. persistent preoccupation with parts of objects.

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This is where the majority of my issues that people can see show up. The first one is just me in a nutshell. When I get stuck onto something, I have to know absolutely everything about it and I will talk about it all the time! Sometimes it's a brief thing, maybe a few months or a year. Others, it lasts for years or even a lifetime. When I was a kid, it was baseball. I could quote you Braves stats for the current team at any time. I collected baseball cards, mostly Braves and mostly my favorite player Steve Avery. I read books about baseball and watched baseball movies. In 6th grade, to learn the research process, we were to write a 3-4 page paper on a topic of our choosing. Well, I'd just seen the Oliver Stone movie JFK. Yep, my 3-4 page paper turned into a 12 page paper with an appendix and I bet I'm the only 6th grader that has ever read the entire Warren Report. I went nuts over certain movies over the years...watching them over and over to the point I could quote them and driving everyone around me nuts. Music has stuck with me and always been an interest, so has reading and Disney stuff. This summer I got back into baseball, but thankfully it doesn't seem as intensely obsessive as it was when I was a kid. I've also become a crossword puzzle junkie. Number two is there, but not as intensely as number one. I don't like change...at all. If something is going to change, either small or large, I need notice and prep time. I need to know exactly what is changing and exactly how it's going to affect me. Then I can usually get on with it. I hate having routines changed. At work, I like being in my lab because I know which classes are coming and when...I hate fire drill days, testing schedule, and any other day where it just doesn't follow the schedule. Not being on schedule makes me nervous. My biggest trigger is being late. If I need to be somewhere and I have control over it, you can rest assured I'll be there 15-30 mins early. Some of the funnier routines (or nonfunctional ones) I have...I must go to Downtown Disney the first night of any Disney trip or I will pitch a 2 year old fit...I have routines in the shower for the order I do stuff and for the rest of my getting dressed and ready routine and if you mess it up, move something, or distract me...I will forget something. I drive the same way to places, even if it means 10-15 mins longer and having me go another way is asking for a panic attack. In stores, I start at the same side and go to the other end and having to backtrack only makes me angry. Number three exists too...I constantly move my foot or leg. It's usually my right but can sometimes be my left. If I'm sitting next to someone it will bother then and they'll ask me to stop, I don't even realize I was doing it! I will shake the whole table and have no clue! If I get really frustrated or upset or want something away from me I will do a bit of hand-flapping but it's not as often, only when I'm really stressed or frustrated. I do rock some when I'm nervous or really bored or upset. I've found a therapy toy called a Tangle helps with my movement issues as it puts a toy that looks like an old teething necklace, but it has twisty, textured parts into my hand and I can move it around. It keeps me calmer and actually helps me focus on whatever I'm doing. I never really showed much of Number 4. My son used to have a thing with wheels (still does) or he'll play with a part of a toy, just that part...nothing else. I used to like to break things down and take a look at their parts, but that's as close as I got to this one. 

So many of the quirky/odd things you see me do all day long and most often in stressful situations or when my routine has been altered...well I can't help them. Sometimes I'm aware of them and I try very hard to stop them, but it takes so much effort I can't stop them and focus on what I should be doing at the same time. Most of my friends/family have figured it out by now and they just let me do what I need to do and let me schedule stuff my way so I don't flip, but life isn't always easy to schedule so I still have a bad day sometimes when it doesn't work right...but hey, who doesn't!

What does it really mean? Part 1

In order to educate others about Asperger's and other Autism Spectrum Disorders I've decided to take the old DSM-IV definitions (DSM-5 ones are online yet) and tell you what it's like from my end. As a reminder, each person with an ASD is different. We all have different levels of abilities and different strengths and weaknesses. Some people have many difficulties in lots of areas of their life and others have just a few...people like me who may surprise you when you find out we have been diagnosed. Just because you've met one Autistic person doesn't mean you've met us all!! So please keep that in mind...what I write here is just from my experiences personally with myself and my son.

Diagnostic Criteria for 299.80 Asperger's Disorder

1. Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

1. 1. marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction

1. 2. failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level

1. 3. a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)

4. lack of social or emotional reciprocity

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Many of you who know me probably think I'm pretty outgoing, sociable, and that this really isn't an issue for me. Surprise!! It is a huge issue! My biggest triggers are new/unfamiliar situations, changes, and large crowds. When I first meet you, I might not talk a whole lot, or look at you when you talk to me much. I was taught to be polite always so I generally will smile, return a greeting, return a handshake, and I can even make small talk. However, when you get to know me and I"m comfortable with you...then you get to see the fun...the outgoing, "driven by a motor" me that comes up with the most random stuff at probably the most inappropriate times. In social situations, I always feel like everyone (even strangers) are either looking at me or talking about me. I try very hard in crowded places to not make eye contact with people and aside from the occasional mosh pit, I really don't like being mushed up to people I don't know. I've found that social situations really do leave me with a great deal of anxiety and I've just learned that if I know one's coming, I take a Xanax and keep on moving. I do have some impairments in using body-language, telling when someone's joking with me, and not interrupting others who are already talking. My biggest issue is tone of voice. I guess I'm like a dog, or so my therapist says. You can say whatever you want to me and I'm probably ok with it, as long as it's said in a calm and gentle manner. If you raise your voice, or it gets an edge of anger to it, I will shut down and general either meltdown crying or have a huge outburst of anger back. I also take everything personally. So if someone (ex: a boss or teacher) tells me I'm not doing something right or I need to change something, I feel like a total failure and that they just hate me as a person. It can be the farthest thing from the truth, but once my brain believes it, then it takes a long time to get rid of it if I ever can. I have over 300 friends on FB and if I look through I can tell you where I know each one from. However, when the crap hits the fan, there's only about 5 or 6 that I would call close friends. I've always been that way...I knew everyone, but only had one or two really good or best friends.  Now I just call them my Partners in Crime! I had a hard time socially in middle/high school. I just didn't fit in. I was different, odd and I knew it. I endured teasing just like many other kids, but a lot of what was said back then still sticks with me and colors my self-esteem to this day. As far as the DSM definition goes, I don't have as much of a problem with the lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment. If it's something I'm interested in then you better believe I'm going to talk about it and go on and on and my Partners in Crime will attest to that. I also don't have much issues with social/emotional reciprocity. I will return a smile, handshake, or respond to a comment made to me or a greeting. I can feel empathy for anyone and I can respond generally appropriately to emotions as long as I'm not in the middle of meltdown. Now this doesn't mean I'm throwing a huge party or going to call and ask you to lunch. I don't do stuff like that. I will generally ask my Partners in Crime first if I'm doing something and I want someone to go...and if they can't I may or may not ask someone else, but more than likely I'm either not going or I'll just go alone (which is an issue in and of itself). I think I've come a long way in this area since I was a child, content to play alone (or with my 2 cousins and 1 or 2 neighborhood kids), preferring the company of adults to other kids my age, and very rigid in the activities I did. I bowled, I played piano...that was it. I know I still have work in this area, but it is by far one of my stronger areas. 

Lessons Learned in Disney

Well...we survived our Disney trip this past week. I must say, even though I do feel bad for getting the Guest Assistance Card it sure does make for an easier time. Yes, we don't look like there's anything physically wrong with us and yes we can get on the ride like everyone else....but after a few lines with wait times over 30 minutes...you'll see that maybe we're not like you. And then the meltdowns start and the tantrums and maybe even a few tears. With the GAC we just avoid the issues that set all that stuff off and everyone has a more pleasant day. That includes all our neurotypical fellow guests who don't have to witness us having said meltdown/tantrum...it really is a win, win situation for everyone! It also makes life easier when eating at the amazing Disney restaurants. My son is almost 13, well in the land of Disney, you are put on an adult ticket at age 10!!! This also means that if you're using the dining plan, they must order off an adult menu!! Now, my daughter (so close to the spectrum if she sneezes wrong she'll be on it), will eat and experiment with food. She enjoyed a lovely salmon, several nice salads, and some awesome chicken dishes and great desserts while we were there. My son, (PDD-NOS), thinks that chicken nuggets, nachos (meat/cheese/chips only), pizza, and hot dogs/hamburgers are their own food groups and the only ones he will eat from. With the GAC, he was allowed to order off the children's menu and not have it affect the dining plan. Now, the places still didn't always have something on the children's menu either that he wanted but he could usually get something closer to what he wanted. I think the two best meals I saw him eat while we were there was a plate of spaghetti and meatballs (all made just the way he likes it) at Mama Melroses's in Hollywood Studios and a hot dog of all things at The Brown Derby in Hollywood Studios. Otherwise he always at his fries and would pick at whatever he'd ordered and the boy just doesn't do dessert even though it's part of the plan. And thankfully we finally found bottled sweet tea in the cafeteria of our resort and brewed sweet tea he could fill up his resort mug with...he's definitely a Georgia boy when it comes to his beverage of choice. We also don't stay for fireworks...I love fireworks very much. My son can take or leave them, but he enjoys watching them from a distance. My daughter thinks they're pretty but hates the noise. Me, I love them and the noise, but I can't stand the huge crowd to leave the park after the show which means waiting foreverrrrr on a Disney bus to take us back to the resort. So, we leave before the show and get on a bus with plenty of room and weather permitting hit the pool where we can sometimes hear/see one of the shows depending on which resort we are at (Art of Animation this trip). We actually braved Magic Kingdom and one day of Hollywood Studios in ponchos thanks to Tropical Storm Andrea...and as freaked out by weather as I get...when a tornado warning was issued for Orange County (I had no idea where in Orange County I was to know if it was headed our way), we calmly ducked into Hall of Presidents for the show until it passed, kids were never aware of the tornado warning so everyone was cool. All in all it was a good trip, but I'm still tired two days later not because of the 20 something miles we walked (thanks pedometer app!), but of having all those people all around me all day for 5 days! Sensory overload for sure! We might take a year or two off from Disney, but they've got some stuff being built that's ready to open in 2014....so thinking summer of 2015 (omg...I'll have a 9th grader then!) will be a good time to revisit. And eventually I'd like to do a solo trip or a trip with just me and a couple of close friends...because I can't always eat where I want to and go where I want...and they just won't stand in line because they think they're too old and thus Mom is too old to stand in line and have her picture taken with Woody and Buzz (::: sadness :::). We've found Disney is one of my focus areas and if that escape from reality via movies, shows, or the parks makes life better for me, then so be it. My wallet may not always agree, especially now I've found pin collecting!!